My New Cause.

People, please do not feed the ducks.


Read the goddamn signs. Don’t feed them. Sure it looks cool and hell I used to do it. I thought it was helping them out, but you know it doesn’t. It leads to avian botulism and sick birds might be a health hazard, but hey the bird flu is irrelevant right?

Also feeding ducks at a park hurts them. It makes them become dependent on people for food and the lose the desire to seek food which leads them to not migrate. At this point you now f’ing with nature.

But it’s not the aholes who are too dumb to read the sign or those who can’t read it due to the language barrier that really piss me off. What gets me are the vigilante feeders. These people are the worst and the most dangerous. We have encountered a couple of these folks who feel that it is there responsibility to take care of the birds.

Backstory on how I got to this point.

A couple of months back the park had some Egyptian Goslings hatch. There were 7 goslings and a duck who they adopted. Very cute I have pictures, I will need to bring them in, but I am digressing. As these geese grew there were people who showed up and were feeding them grain. Which is also a no-no. Animal Control wants you not to feed them anything. The reason being, they do not eat grain, they eat grass, bugs and other things found in nature. Along with not wanting to migrate, the other problem is if you feed them they lose their fear of people and that’s when bad shit happens. How do I know there is a problem. Well the other morning we had a white duck follow us through the park on foot. When we stopped and were looking about the duck was right at our feet. The duck then tried to nibble my shoe, twice. That folks in not right.

So to the old man and his bike who has tracked these birds across to other parks. All of your justifications still does not make it right. If there is a problem call the city or county to fix it, or let the birds figure it out. If there is not food then they need to leave and find it. So take your bike and the boots you use to waddle in the lake to put out food and fix their nest and shove it up your old ass.

To the woman in the brown Toyota 82 Celica you can go F yourself. You are the worst. Yes I am talking to you “Mrs. I Volunteer at an Animal Shelter, so I Know More Than You”. Just because you life is empty, it does not mean you have to do something harmful to the animals you think you are helping. If you did work at a shelter they would tell you the same. Oh but I am wrong and so is Animal Control, and Fish & Game. Those assholes don’t know anything, how could we challenge you oh wise one. Oh wait you’re driving a Toyota from the 80’s. Which tells me you have not made great life choices, so please as the poet Ice Cube once opined “check yo’self before you wreck yo’self”. Also I have not forgotten you yelling “Go to Hell” at us a month ago when we brought this up. Just remember the “road to Hell is paved with good intentions”, so shut up and get back to your macrame owl and leave us all alone.

Hey while on a tirade about the park I have some more people to point out and direct my scorn at:

To the kids that chase the birds around or pull out crawdads and thrown them. Stop it you crap eating punks. Would you like it if I came to your home and chased you around with a wiffle ball bat with pennies in it. You wouldn’t, even though I would enjoy the hell out of it. Every time I see the kids chase them I pray that they will fall into the lake. Sure some do it out of excitement and they don’t mean any harm, and I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. Now for the brats that do it because they just little hooligans, I hope birds crap on you for many a moon.

Parents of these kids. Hey keep an eye out on your kids. Hell put a leash on some of them. Look why should others look out for your kids when you are out. Hey you are parent 24 hours a day till they on their own feet, so parent. Sure I know you can’t see their every move and kids will be kids, but come on when your kids are swinging sticks at birds you should do something about other than yell at me for yelling at your kid. Which brings me to. . .

Dog of leash guy/girl. Hey I know your dog is the greatest dog of all time and is as smart as Steven Hawking, and they listen to every command, but they need to be on a leash. And hey don’t get pissed at me when I politely say something about it. Hey I am not trying to be a jerk, I am just looking out for the dog. Look the rules are not guidelines or suggestions, they are rules, follow them. Oh, your wonder dog just eat duck shit, good luck with that.

Midnight Natty Light Drinker Who Leave There Cans Laying Around Guy – Hey sounds like fun guys, all I ask is next time if you guys have one of your ragers at the park that you just go into the lake and not come back up. It would help us all greatly.

Okay, I am done with my irrational rage about the park and park etiquette. If I have offended any of you I apologize, except for those who are the basis of this rant. You know who you are. Also I am not one to support violence even toward those who may be deserving of it, but damn it felt good to write it and get out of my system.

Okay back to your business everyone. I have to get back to killing time at work.


3 Responses to My New Cause.

  1. Silliyak says:

    I’m pretty sure that Giuliani promised to address these very issues right after he “Eliminates illegal immigration” so you have that going for you.
    Is any of this related to your sub title? Are you telling the whole world you don’t want our typed bread crumbs at your blogged (vs webbed) feet? Are you wanting to migrate?
    Don’t repress your feelings, let us know how you REALLY feel.

  2. Boski93 says:

    Sorry Silly, I just needed to get some avian anger out of my system. If this is something Giuliani says he was going to address then we will be screwed. So let us hope he never gets the chance to address issues.

    I will take the crumbs, curtons and anything else. I am too far gone for help, but that water fowl deserve the chance to make it on their own. Or at least till they get a development deal from NBC.

  3. Silliyak says:

    Word on the street is that they have a deal in the works with TimeWarner for 13 shows and an option for another 6. No apologies necessary, keep up the good work.

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