I blame my absence on being busy with a lot of things and not a state advised respite. Life complicated as it is has been a wee bit more complicated than it has been before, but I thought I could at least show up and fire off some random nonsense at you my audience. Yes I am talking to all three of you (but if we included the voices in my head we would have a nice crowd)
Campaign 08′ – Hi, I am voter and it is great that we are talking about the issues and having the candidate debating, but we are still more than a year away. This coverage is ridiculous, to the point the NHL regular season called and said it was this was a little much.
Karl Rove – Go F yourself fat man. May cinder block fall from the heaven onto your junk. Now shove off to Hell.
Speaking of Hell – Sad to see Hell’s Kitchen end and I am so going to miss Aaron cracking up. Glad that Rock won, but I think he may have been a ringer. I am too lazy to look it up, but he was working at a pretty swank establishment.
Gordo Part II – I could watch ol‘ Gordon all day. No surprise I have told you that before, but now people I am going to tell you this, and please take heed. Watch the U.S version of Kitchen Nightmare’s this fall, it will spectacular.
Aaron Eckert – I am going to spare your life. I finally saw Thank You For Smoking and you were great. So was everyone else, well except for Katie Holmes. I am sorry buy rebar is less stiff. So Mr. Eckert this means that crappy movie you and that Octogenarian loving Welsh woman made will be forgiven by me. But I can’t assure your safety from Anthony Bourdain (cooking’s Lou Reed, but with loads less heroin) who will come down there and extinguish a couple lung darts on your eye lids.
Speaking of Tony – I hope you are all watching his show, I am trying to read his books and from what my life has told me, I will not be disappointed.
Big Love – Chet errrrr Bill, what the hell are you doing? Pride gose before the Fall. When you are picked up by cross dressing loons who make the UEB look sane, then brother you got to let shit slide. Weaver gaming ain’t worth it, but I am glad Ellsworth was able to get out. Is it me or did Roman start uttering lines from Repo Man in his delusional state. Also Nicky, drop the dime on Alby and tells everyone that the prophet has another daughter (not that there is anything wrong with that).
Baseball – Well thankfully the White Sox have decided to stop playing with my heart. As they finally seem to understand the concept of winning. Guys would have been nice to see this maybe back in May.
Football – To say I ready for football season would be a gross understatement.
Madden – Yesterday my wife showed why she is the Better Half. Even though it lurks in my mind constantly, it was only yesterday I actually said something about getting the new Madden game when it came out. I usually get it around my birthday or Christmas. Little did I know my wife had been planning to get me the game. So yesterday evening, I was like many other degenerates who were skipping and giggling about like a school girl. All over a video game. Eric bad news, I stomped on your Bills 34 -0. Good news is that mean come September it will be the other way around. Now what was I saying about pride? What has my life become?
Bill Walsh – A football visionary who advanced this game leaps and bounds. Even though I hated the 49er’s I could not hate him. The man was a genius. So I would like to say a couple of words,
“Red Right Tight–Sprint Right Option”
I Klondike Bar for any of you who know what that means.
The Simpson’s Movie – I must be busy because I have not gone to see it yet. What’s wrong with me?
Last week here in L.A. a legend pass. Hal Fishman. A man who was one of the basis’ of Springfield’s Channel 6 News, Kent Brockman. I will miss you, your crotchety commentaries and your lazy eye. I will pour out some of my 40 for you dog.
Speaking of the Simpsons – I still have not seen the movie yet. What’s wrong with me?
Old Yeller – No not Homer, but when is Animal Control going to come in and just put Britney down. I mean this is now just cruel.
Merv Griffin – You will be missed by almost everyone, well except Deney Terrio. I will miss you Merv, but I am pissed about one thing. Why did sell the Beverly Hills Hilton and allow the great Trader Vic’s to be destroyed. The worst part was before it was taken from us, it was de–Kitsched and moved. You might as well shot Bambi, because that is how it felt to me and the wife. Merv you had some big bread, why did you sell? Ah forget it!
Dog days of summer are barking, but not like Ron Mexico’s boys are doing to the Feds. Ron you are done at least for this year. I think you may want to take that plea agreement and spend some time in the hole, because it will get ugly if this goes to trail. Because Mike this could run off the rails like some of your late season performances. And when you go to the big house you will need to tell your future husband that you have herpes. And the Herp Dog is a dog that bites back.
Now if Vick does go to trail and we find out there are other famous names involved, then we will have pandemonium.
R. Kelly – Whacked out R&B alleged pervert or Evil comedic genius? Because there is more Trapped In A Closet coming people. Right now I may be leaning toward genius.
Okay, that was fun. Well kids I am off and I will be back Friday, I have some business I need to attend to tomorrow.