I hope everyone is enjoying their Presidents Day. I am enjoying is so much I am working. Well no matter, I have lit the candles and left 8lbs of aged deli meat at my shrine for Grover Cleveland, my favorite President. He edges out Ulysses S. Grant as my favorite. I know I can hear you now, “Mr. Boski those are odd choices, wouldn’t a better selection be Lincoln, Kennedy or Washington. Even for comedy purposes couldn’t you just go with James K. Polk?”
To all of you I say yes, those are great suggestions, but I have my reasons.
Sure Grant’s administration was racked with scandal. Along with not properly handle a volatile situation that would scar the nation for many decades after (Reconstruction and sadly not Tales of Reconstruction). But after toiling on a paper I wrote as a college senior on him and Mark Twain, I have a soft spot for the guy. Also that paper kicked ass, if I have not mentioned it like a millions times.
Come January 2009, as I have mention before he will be off the hook for most corrupt two term administration when George steps down, that is if he does step down. Unlike Shrub, U.S. Grant won his elections. His biggest mistake was trusting the wrong people and not doing anything to change it.
As for my man Grover, he had it all:
He was a Gilded Age President
He won an election with support of the Mugwumps
He’s on the $1,000 dollar bill ,
He was our only non consecutive termed president
And he was the first recorded Presidential Baby Daddy.
That is the Royal Flush Presidential frippery.
It trumps these tasty presidential nuggets:
James Polk’s “K”
Chester A. Arthur’s’ facial hair
William Henry Harrison dying only after a month
President Garfield hated Monday’s
Harry Truman beating Dewey in a game of horse that turned the 1952 election in his favor. Dewey could not duplicate Truman’s rim rocking tomahawk jam.
Old Pork and Beans – William Howard Taft could beat box like a young Doug E Fresh, sadly there was no Russell Simmons or Rick Rubin around to sign him.
But in my search of useless Presidential knowledge I have found a new shinning star of Presidential nonsense.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury I present to you Warren G. Harding.
Not only did he have G in his name, the man was a G by making sure the White House was stocked with liquor during Prohibition.
Warren was also a player with the ladies while in the White House. He too may have Federlined a couple of his lady acquaintances. This did not make Mrs. Harding very happy.
Had the largest feet ever of a sitting or standing president, size 14. If it was not for his scandals it would have been the Warren G. Harding Big Ass Clown Shoe Bridge, not the Golden Gate.
Supposedly lost a china set that belonged to Benjamin Harrison in a poker game. White House historians say false, just like John Quincy Adams victory over the Martian King in a backgammon match. I say they are lying and that both are true.
Four Words – Tea Pot Dome Scandal
Lastly the one that may move him into the # 1 spot, Harding did not die of a heart attack. He may have been the first case of Pac-Man Fever. Thanks to that stupid time machine that William McKinley left lying around.
But to today I close this salute to President’s day with this question that I would like to throw out to you after reading this Yahoo article
Um, Mr. President I think you may have things mixed up. You see your actions are more along the lines of the other George involved with the Revolutionary War. You know King George, but unlike him Mr. Bush you are truly mad and not suffering from a medical condition that King George was.
So my question is this, if George Washington knew that the future of America held George W. Bush, would he have just surrendered shortly after Bunker Hill?
Thank you everyone, please enjoy the tacos.