While we are speaking of dogs.

December 29, 2006

Thirsty Man Sells Beagle to Buy Beer.

Maybe this guy can move to my Mom’s street, or even to mine. I think he would be accepted by the Hillbillies.

Now when this guy did it, did he get change? I am thinking even if he got a couple of beers and the beagle was in good shape he might have gotten back a couple Dachshunds.


I sense a theme here.

December 29, 2006

What do my Mom’s next door neighbors, my neighbors across the street and the Bumpuses from the movie A Christmas Story have in common.

Well there are two things in common.

First is that these are the same kind of people who feel the need to park whatever vehicle they may own, dirt bike, RV, boat, monster truck, car on blocks. Wherever and however they seem fit. It may be that they do not care, or maybe there is method (or at least meth) to their madness. It could be very zen, or it may just be hillbilly code I am not sure. My guess is that it is either due to the fact they may be too loaded to realize how to properly park, or they are just assholes. I think it maybe a little from column A and a little from column B.

The second item is their wonderful devotion to proper dog handling. We have all seem the Bumpuses dogs ruining the Old Man’s turkey in the movie. Which leads me to this Boski useless segue. In Gene Shepperd’s’ book that incident did not take place at Christmas and it was not even a turkey. It was the Easter Ham. Go and amaze your friends with that one. I dare you. Where was I, oh, as I have typed here before thanks to the yokels across the street and their dog we have had to return the a gift their dog left for us. But the idiots who live next to my Mom did a great job of making sure that their dogs where tied up. Right now they are tearing up their backyard and putting in lord knows what. Probably something tacky, something dangerous and hopefully out of code so they can get busted. But one of their dogs got out on Christmas Eve. I see this as I am bringing in gifts to my Mom’s house. The dog is a small white dog, but it barking like their is no tomorrow. I walk away from the dog, and it is still barking. I make no move toward the dog or anything to antagonise it. As I get to the door the dog is still going. Now the dog is on my Mom’s lawn and it is barking and barking. So this tells me the hillbillies are either out or sleeping off the egg nog bender. Now when I get inside and close the door I think that the dog will back for a little bit longer and stop. Nope, it keeps barking at the house. The Hound of Hell sees me and my wife, in the front room of the house, so it is still barking on my Mom’s lawn. So I close the shades. Does that do the tick? Nope, the little bastard continues to bark for the next two hours. Till it finally gets bored and runs back to Hazard County. If it was not for the thought of not making things worse with the neighbors we should have called Animal Control. As this is going on my Mom tells me that the Hillbillies saw here out one day and brought up the barking, since someone had complained to the hillbillies. They asked my Mom how our dog was doing and that the some of the other neighbors had complained about the dogs. Thinking, oh our sweet little dog can be the one you are thinking of and if it is it because of my Mom’s dogs. My Mom had to tell them that Bunky, our beagle, had passed away two years ago. They had no idea. So it looks like they can’t play blame the deceased dog any more. Poor Bunky, he was not the sharpest tool in the shed and (he got by on his looks), but to blame him for your dogs shitty behavior is low.

Typically Hillbilly logic. If there is a problem, blame someone else even if it has passed away.

Thinking about it I have an idea why the dog was so agitated, they must have trained it to ward of people who read books.


James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub!

December 28, 2006

Rest in peace James.


Ratcheting up the Catch up.

December 27, 2006

Hello everyone. I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. I did, but I must have been bad this year since Baby Jebus left me a cold for Boxing Day. Maybe he is still pissed about acing him out on the movie rights.

Well I am here slaving at the old hospital. I was here yesterday, but I sadly yesterday I think I obtained a black belt in slacking because I got nothing done, not even blogging.

I hope everyone had a good holiday haul, I had a good one. Got a messenger bag to replace my ESPN the Magazine bag with a huge hole in it. Nothing says professionalism than a dingy, ripped-up bag. Got the DVD of the History of the Denver Broncos, it’s only two DVD’s, it will just have to do. Got some gift cards for Sirius, Costco and the most delicious of gifts, Wahoo’s. We also got a battery charger for the car and a VHS to DVD player, but we may take that back and look for something else. We know that there is something out there that saves VHS to the PC.

So what else is going on.

Sadly, the Hardest Working Man in Show Business has gone to that great stage in the sky. You will be missed James. I can not give this man a proper send up. I will leave it to this man to.

Today we lost Gerald Ford. A man who held two distinct presidential titles of note. One was he passed Reagan as the oldest living president. And he was the only non-elected president. If he could of lasted a little longer he could have punked Hoover for longest post-presidential life. Also a better football player than Eisenhower, Nixon and Reagen put together. He had the most upside of any president since William Howard Taft, who would have been a great 3-4 nose tackle, only if they had an NFL draft. The man seemed like a nice guy. He had a tough gig. Having to come in and clean up Nixon’s mess and you were not elected. Was he perfect? No, but he was likeable and he did make the 76 election close. He was the last surviving member to Warren Commission. So this will mean the JFK nuts will say Ford was silenced to keep him from spilling the beans. Speaking of bumping off Presidents, can we make sure about the whereabouts of Squeaky Fromme when Mr. Ford passed. Hey she tried once before.

But I will always think of the Former President in most proper of ways. I will think of his “appearance” on the Simpsons. The Episode was “Two Bad Neighbors”
Gerry: Hi! Pleased to meet you, I just moved in. My name is Gerry Ford.
Homer: [gasps] Former President Gerald Ford? Put her there! I’m Homer Simpson!
Gerry: Say, Homer, do you like football?Homer: Do I ever!Gerry: Do you like nachos?
Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
Gerry: Well, why don’t you come over and watch the game, and we’ll have nachos? And then, some beer.
Homer: Ooh! [they walk across the street] Gerry, I think you and I are going to get along just –[they both trip]
Both: D’oh!
Also I will think of this picture:
Billy Preston you had the fro working!
His will not be as lavish of a state funeral like the Reagan funeralpoluza. I am not saying that Reagan did not deserve a big state funeral. The man served two terms and was larger than life, and I respect his place in history. But back to my point, to me it seemed that there were some who made it more about themselves than Reagan himself. Yes, I am talking to you Nancy, W, The Fox Network and anyone else I forgot to mention. The only funeral that topped that for show was Carrol Rosenbloom’s funeral. I am scared to think what it will be like when either of the Bush family pass on, and that is only after a long, long life. Will we even still be able to have state funerals at that point, maybe the Chinese or whomever owns this country in 20 or 30 years. I just have visions of a cross between Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen, the Passion of the Christ, and Hewhaw. Hey, I hope I am wrong.
Wow I had a lot of Presidential in me today. Let’s see what else is on my mind.
I know they are not as cuddly as they are portrayed on the Coke commercials, but someone has to help out the Polar Bears. I feel the administration is just going to pay lip service to this. Again I hope to be proven wrong, if not by this group of morons running the show and to how come next. I can almost here W saying we are “winning the war in the Arctic”. Thankfully Rumsfeld is not around to say that the “Polar Bears are in the last throws”. Because on that issue Rummy might have been right.
What the guy’s problem, it could have been worse, he could have been stuck with Mongo.
Mongo, like you I am too just a pawn in game of life.
Who has not had this thought run through their heads. Hey I thought about this morning.
Mr. President you can hide in your tree house for so long. You need to wake the F up, and start working on getting troops out, and not into Iraq. You also have to swallow to stupid pride and talk to regional powers. Because you have screwed this up for too long, for once be an adult and do the right thing. Oh you probably won’t do that, since you and your horde did this to the New York Times (Thanks to You Should Have Asked Me).
I love sports movies as much as the next sports nut, but did we need a movie on either of these guys. What’s next, the Buddy Biancalana Story.
Okay I have done enough damage for one day. Good night all and a Happy Kwanzaa.

A Christmas Story – Oh, Fuuudge..

December 25, 2006

What did you say?

That’s what I thought you said, get in the car.

Merry Christmas everyone.


In an effort to get back into that old Christmas mood, I am pulling out something that made remember why I love the holidays.

December 21, 2006

Here is a Boski Original, first used on this blog in Dec. 2005. I am bringing it back, since apparently I was also in a holiday malaise. After doing this I felt much better, but I am going to use the version I wrote to my roto hoops league (so that is why there is some bizarre NBA references), also punch it up a little so I can think I am cooler than I am.

Please enjoy.

DISCLAIMER ALERT!

Some of the content has been reformatted to fit Blogger Beta and some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any unwritten use of this blog is prohibited by Major League Baseball . . . .

A Boxing Day Tale

By Boski

Next to St. Harold’s Day to celebrate the the patron saint of Designated Hitters, and the Feast of McLean Stevenson, I love Boxing Day. Did you know that it has 86% more boxing than Arbor Day. Who knew, since Arbor Day brings out the pugilist in all of us, doesn’t it? It is the holiday where we celebrate The Baby Jeebus victory over Frosty the Snowman, in a unanimous decision (He won on all three wise men’s cards), at Caesars, to win the Heavyweight title.

Shortly afterwards he performed the Miracle of the Blessed Press Your Luck. When he took four spins with three Whammies and parlayed it into $10,000, a Apple IIe, and a trip to Acapulco.

If that was not enough he stepped in for Jimmy Chitwood and successfully ran the picket fence to win the Indiana High School Basketball Title.

The joy was short lived. Baby Jebus soon was forced to flee to Idaho. The flight to Idaho, or Oregon’s Spain for you Colbert viewers, was due to the evil Don King

with the help of Nevada Athletic Commission and a trumped up charge of cheating while playing Boggle.

Don was jealous of Baby Jebus and was P.O’s since he refused to defend his title against Mitch “Blood” Green, or Peter McNealy.

So he sought to hunt him down and force him into a life of vice with Fitness Made Simple guru Jon “I am Tre Wingo’s Frosted Tipped Brother” Blesdow.

Along the way Baby Jebus crossed the paths of Mr. T , Edna Garrett, World B. Free and Cooter. They started a punk/bluegrass/bass and drum super group. Think the Ramones, meets Foggy Mountian Boys and they are hanging out with Goldie’s sound people all tweeked out on crank.

This new supergroup then lead the football Cardinals out of St. Louis and into the desert. Shortly afterward they built a workshop/disco outside of Pahrump, Nevada. And with the help from the Transformers and Alan Thicke, they made invented New Coke,

timeshare condos, grout, Police Academy Movies and vacuums. Each December 26th the Baby Jebus would load up his mint Yugo and deliver these gifts/tax write-offs to all the good children, penguins and utility infielders. All to celebrate the his wonderful deeds and to find a good excuse to find a way to waste a day playing Frogger.

The gig was good but the Baby Jebus wanted to get into other mediums. He developed a couple of hit TV shows, L.A. Law, Murder She Wrote and the Fall Guy. He also hooked up with and toured with Sir-Mix-A-Lot in the late 80’s. In fact, co-produced Mix-A-Lots album “Seminar” and co-wrote the hit “Beepers”. Sadly he was never given credit. After that fallout he had a sting of serious setbacks. First was the failure of his solo joint Oaktown 3-5-Jeebus. Then he backed the sequel to Buckaroo Bonsai, which lead to a near fatal run-in with Tree Rollins. He fled to Hungary, where he set up dry cleaning empire under an alias of Dolph Lundgren. So this left the others to run the workshop alone. They managed for a short time, but after shortly after the cancellation of Battle of the Network Stars, the holiday fell out of vogue. Then Cooter was eaten by Boss Hogg.

World B. Free was fired since he never passed the damn ball, shortly afterwards he took to seven seas and has never been heard from again. Rumor has it that he actually married his way into the Belgian Royal Family where he now only three mishaps from being King.

After these multiple tragedies things look bleak. What was needed was someone who could bring back Baby Jeebus and get also get the orginal line-up of New Edition back together. But another Boxing Day Miracle occurred. When the Prophet Margin’s prophecy came to be. That a mohawked T.V. action star who fools would never receive pity from, would defy science and logic and give birth to three sons. One who would deliver excellent Boxing Days rating, especially in the 25 – 49 male demo. Soon on a cold December 26th morning Mr. T jibber jabbered three children into the world, at a dry cleaners in Munice Indiana!) Some say that the Shawn “the father of our country “Kemp was behind this, but we may never know. The three children were Yahoo Serious, Dwayne Schintzius and Emmanuel Lewis.

As you know everything with Yahoo was fine until he made the movie “Young Einstein”.

It was because of that he went completely Australian. Though “they”/the government/The Man, will tell you he was already Australian, it is all a huge Capricorn 1 sized cover-up. Just like the existence of the state of Wyoming. It does not really exisist, could any other place other than Hades could produce Dick Cheney. Think about. Look Fennis Dembo was a government fabrication.

Dwayne Schintzius took his height to Florida where his college career took off, but he studied the black arts of Bill Wennington. Then when he ventured to the NBA he was struck by a lethal case of BeniotBenjimanitis. Don’t believe me, just look at the numbers.

It was now all up to Emmanuel Lewis who even with his short stature, which was due to the fact he lost 3 feet of height due to bacarat losses he incurred. Proved his worth when he savagely bludgeoned Falco at the Third Farm Aid concert to gain access to Willie Nelson hair to retrieve Baby Jebus’ keys for his Yugo . Soon he was off to Budapest and he brought Baby Jeebus and that frosty Lime colored Yugo back to the public eye. Soon he was back to that old Boxing Day magic. For that he was rewarded with a three picture deal from Fox Searchlight. He also received funding to launch a new international space station that will resemble Arnold’s from Happy Day to study the effects of Popping and Locking on the ozone layer He is now rumored to be engaged to Bea Arthur after his advances where spurned by one of the Hilton’s, it maybe Paris or it could have been Barron Hilton, again we just don’t know.

My tale is finished and I hope you everything I have said is true, true insanity, or is it????

What you do not believe me, Didn’t New Edition get back together with all the original members not too long ago.
So I am off to prep the house and to celebrate. I will be putting out a plate of uncooked chicken, some Lanolin, toaster crumbs and cans of Schlitz out for the Baby Jebus to throw. Hopefully I will find cans of New Coke, a couple of Police Academy movies and a vacuum, under the old Cactus Tree. I have been good, well other than my writing.

I hope you enjoyed. If you would like a transcript of tonight’s program please send $86.75 to:

The Jo Berry Carroll Fund
Attn: Tony Curtis
1313 Mocking Bird Lane
Placentia, CA 92780

Thank you to Wikipedia, Yahoo and everyone else who made this possible.

In Recognition of the shortest day of the year, in the Northern Hemisphere, Boski Corp. has worked long to present this detailed message to you.

December 21, 2006

Yo.