Hello kids, your Uncle Boski has been off work today. I told them I was ill, but I had to take care of a personal matter. I love August and I hate August. August is great, in that it is still summer. You have the pennant chases heating up and football starting. August is also the month that I met my future wife. But August also sucks because I remember it being hot and slaving away on Big Thunder Mountain or Jungle Cruise (sure it was fun, but sweaty guest and warm costumes is not fun). It was also a time during high school when two-a-days would begin, and I would start my four and half month job as a tackling dummy. But the thing that makes me dislike August is that it is the month my father passed away. Just like Elvis and Babe Ruth my father died on August 16th. I know it has been 13 years but it is still eats at me. I know silly. So just like St. Patrick’s Day, Fathers Day and right before Christmas. I go up and visit with him. I just feel so clam sitting there.
But today I sat down and wrote my day a letter.
Here is the cliff note version:
It’s me again. I still miss you, even after all this time. I know there is nothing I can do about that, but I still feel this way. I just regret that there have been moments I really would have loved sharing with you. I know that you are always with me and the rest of the family, but still there are moments I wish you could have been there. Things like meeting Mrs. Boski. I know she would have loved meeting you. Things like my wedding and when I graduated. I know you would have had fun there, it was not as entertaining as my last football banquet. Even silly things like when the Broncos and White Sox won. I know that the rest of the family feels the same about moments they would have loved to shared. But now I am also realizing that I miss you for moments that I originally felt glad that you were not around to see me. Seeing me when I messed up. Because you were also there for all of us when we screwed up. I know right now I not where I want to be in my life. I have kind of just floated around with out much direction. The past few years I have become increasingly more angry at myself. I see that I have wasted way too much of my life doing that. I am now realizing the how and why I am at this point and I trying to work on making myself get over those hangups and trying to be happy. I want to be able to have you and Mom both be at peace that you did a great job with me. That you don’t have to worry any more. That I am my own man.
Speaking of mom, I hope you do not mind that we are going to try to keep here for a while. I know you must be so proud of all that she has done over the past few years. As we say about her,” you can’t stop her, you can only hope to contain her”. She is a outstanding grandma, which is another thing I miss. I think you would have been a fantastic grandfather yourself.
I know you probably would tell me that I did not have to come here today. That I should just think of the times we had. I know for me I feel peace sitting here with you. I can focus and in the world we are living today. It was good to get away from everything and have a little quiet.
Well Dad, I have to get going the 405 is handful even during the day. I will be back before Christmas, but I know you are always around. Please let all the family and friends who are there I said hello. So again thank you Dad for everything. I was very lucky to have you for the time I did. You were a great father, teacher, coach and friend. We all miss you and love you.
(I had to write this on the fly so I am sorry if it not totally correct. I will try to tweak it before I go on a exhibition football jag. Thanks to all of you, you have all have been a great audience)