An idea who time may have come.

February 28, 2006

Last Memorial Day Week after seeing episode III of the George Lucas Gravy Train.It made me think about some questions I still needed some answering. (Sorry you have to go down a bit, but those questions are there). I kept having one thing always popping up in my head.

Boba Fett The Wonder Years or Boba at 15 (I am still trying to find the right title.)

I have been always curious about what happened to Boba after Episode II until he returns in Empire. I thought you could have a nice little show about Boba as he is picked up by a loving family who take him and raise him as their own. He like any ordinary kid except he is wearing that helmet the whole time. You can already see the class photos. But the twist that even as a kid he talks with that angry bounty hunter voice he has. Hearing him talk about the joys and sorrows of being kid. If I have not convinced you he is a scene. (Sorry, I was a little bit of a Star Wars geek, so I may get into some arcane references. Also sorry for my sorry script writing abilities)

[Emperor Palintine High School – Datoonie – 5th Period Geometry. A middle aged man with glasses walking down the rows of chairs. Students looking with anticipation]

Mr. Tuttle – “Lobaca, nice effort”

[Young wookie child high five student in next desk, knocking them over]

Mr. Tuttle – “Mr. Porkins, the pi I was asking for is not something you eat.

[Drops test on the desk of a husky youth]

Porkins “Ah, Tantan disks!”

[Stern look from Mr. Tuttle, then he stops at Boba’s desk]

Mr. Tuttle “Mr. Fett, I am proud of the work” [Drops test on desk]

[Camera holds on the paper, and then pans to Tuttle as he goes up and begins to talk about the next chapter, begin Boba’s voice over]

Boba “That was the most satisfying B I ever got. Mr. Tuttle was alright. He was harsh, but the man was more than fair. He was not some old fossil hell bent on making kids cry. He cared, he just wanted what was best for all of us. It made me value hard work and realize I could open so many doors if I applied myself.”

[Begin fade]

“I always had the greatest respect for the man. In fact he wrote me a great letter of recomendation for college. I never really got to say thank you, but I did catch up to him a couple years later.

[Fade Out]

[Fade In – Flea bag No-Tell Motel on Ord Mantel. Mr. Tuttle now a little grayer and a Wookie Lady of the Night enter a dingy low lit room].

Mr. Tuttle – Hey, I got the place for a couple of hours, I’ll break out the booze and we can get to business”

Wookie Floozy “AAAARRRRRRGGGGGRRRGGGGAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH”

Mr. Tuttle “Hold on a second, you said 50 back in the landspeeder. Whose the one getting JarJar’d here? Ah hell, you only live once. [Takes off coat] I have never done it with a Wookie”

Wookie Tart “AAAAAARRRRRGGGGAAARRRG [coyly]

[Then the door is busted down. Boba enters then quick pan to Mr. Tuttle]

Mr. Tuttle “Don’t shoot, don’t shoot! Please! Wait! [pause] Hey, I know you. Boba, Boba Fett is that you? [sighs a sigh of deep relief] I have not seen you in years, I thought you were a bounty hunter looking for me. So why are you here?”

[Pan to Boba who then draws his weapon and starts blasting Mr. Tuttle]

Boba’s Voice: “Sure I felt bad about shooting the guy.”

[Boba searches for Mr. Tuttle wallet]

“But when you mess with Mr. Hutt’s money, you pay the price.”

[Pulls out the cash, gives a small wad to the Wookie Call Girl, then walks out into the hall]

“It was good seeing him again.” [Walks toward the camera]

[Begin fade to title and cue Joe Cocker]

The End

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As you can tell,

February 27, 2006

I working this week. I am answering phones above ground this week for some scratch. So I think there will be some blogging done this week I tell you.


Message to Frank

February 27, 2006

Excuse me Mr. Thomas, I want to first say thank you for all that you did as member of the White Sox. You gave me and many others many a thrill during your tenure. You maybe go down as the greatest player to be a White Sox, in fact I am still pissed you got jobbed on the MVP in 2000. I know that the day is coming when your #35 will be retired, but right now:

“Just shut your cake hole!”

Kenny I am glad you finally let Frank have it. Frank the Sox carried you a long time when they could have dumped you. They put up with your shitty attitude in the club house. Frank you can’t drive in runs from the DL. I checked. They had to move on. If you hit from the left side they would have worked with you Frank. You no longer hit .320 and draw walks. So having a guy who can only DH and who has not played a full season since 2003. You can not even play first any more, you may have less range than David Ortiz.

Frank you can be bitter that they did not have you back, but I think they tried and you would have not been happy to be a role player. So they gave you a chance to make one more run. So what do you do, you piss all over them. So you did not mean what you said on the World Series DVD? Hey, I can understand you needed to get an “edge” by motivating yourself that you have an axe to grind, but you are clutching at straws.

So from now on Frank, you will go by moniker that my friend Billski Burgervich would always call you, “The Big Stank”. This will continue until you make peace. So go and have fun with Moe Green at the Trop, you are dead to the family. May you have season full of bad clams.

Best wishes,

The Mayor of White Sox Village

P.S. you are off the Christmas Card list.


The Lights Dim for Hollywood

February 27, 2006

This weekend the world was dealt some cruel blows.

First, Don Knotts passing.Oh Barney Fife you are going to that police station in the sky.

This man gave us so much:

The Andy Griffith Show

The Incredible Mr. Limpet

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken

The Apple Dumpling Gang

Gus (Also Dick Butkus finest work before Blue Thunder the TV series)

Hot Lead and Cold Feet

and

Three’s Company (I think he did the best he could with the material, but he was no Mr. Roper. I wonder if they are not sitting down right now comparing notes on being property managers)

You may not know this, but me and Don we were close. So I never meet him, but while working my summers on Big Thunder Mountian, there was a railcar on the ride, that was used in the Movie “Hot Lead and Cold Feet”. So I am surprised that I am not going to be asked to speak at the memorial service.

I just hope now that now they can finally show the episode of the Andy Griffith show they never aired. The one that truly explains why Barney left. The episode is a hard hitting, hard drinking and hard loving morality play of 22 minutes in which Barney meets Dr. Timothy Leary and goes on a trip that will lead him to Mexico where he proclaims himself as the “Treasure of the Sierra Madre”. But in the time in between, Barney:

Decks Andy

Gives Opie an Atomic Wedgie of biblical proportions

Makes Otis Dance through the town in a tutu

Slow dances with Goober

Makes a drunken pass at Aunt Bea

Sells Thema Lou to Ernest T. Bass

Shoots Floyd the Barber in the ass with his one bullet (which you know he did. If you notice in the later episodes, Floyd is never standing.)

and then helps the Russian invade Mayberry.

Wouldn’t that be a great episode.

All kinding aside Don was a hoot and he will be missed.

The second one was this man

Ralphie’s Dad, Mr. Madison, the Night Stalker, one of the creepy dude’s in the Natural has gone as well. He was a great character actor, right up there with the bald guy from “Top Gun” and Back to the Future. I am going to be a little sad come Christmas, when they play “A Christmas Story”. A role that I can say he should have been nominated for a Supporting Actor. Without him the movie does not have the legs it does, sure the story is about Ralphie, but Darren brings it home and makes it a classic. So I will try to get a Forty, and pour it out for him while yelling,

“BUMPUS’, SONS OF BITCHES!”

In the most primordial voice I can hit. I could just watch that on a loop for hours.

So fare the well Night Stalker thank you for all the entertainment.

Lastly, Larry Storch. Not you as well Corporal Agarn. Oh wait, this just in. He’s not dead, just his career. Come on Larry make a come back.

Well I would like to again express my gratitude to you gentlemen for giving me so much entertainment and a reason to kill time. And also would like to express condolences for them as well.


Are you sure you want to go with that?

February 23, 2006

Saw an ad for the movie “Running Scared“. It kind of peaked my interest, I will attribute that to the use of the Nine Inch Nails song during the promo, but they lost me when they throw in this reviewers quote, “This is Paul Walker’s finest work”.

What?

To steal from Jules from Pulp Fiction, “that’s a bold statement”.

But then I thought, “Wow, from his body of work this is a real coup”. Look out Olivier”.

Can this be better than his seminal works with Fast and Furious franchise?

Is it as stirring as his hard hitting roles in such epics as “Into the Blue” and “She’s All That”?

I will wait with baited breath.


Some one check the Queen’s health.

February 21, 2006

Looks like the bird flu may do what the Spanish Armada and Hitler could not do. Well even if the ravens get through this, they may pack up if Charles and his steed Camilla take the throne.

Come to think of it, the Baltimore Ravens would be smart if they send Kyle Boller over as gesture of good faith. He will be helping continue a wonderful tradition at the Tower of London, while being a position not to do any damage to the Ravens playoff hopes. He may damage some windows, wing some tourist and dent a crown, but he will be doing a service for all of us.


Hey why should facts get in the way.

February 21, 2006

Let’s here it for a fearless leader Mr. Bush.

Now that you “on board” for the push for alternative energy. Which you are about 5 years late getting a serious start on. I had to laugh at your visit to the Energy Departments National Renewable Energy Lab in Colorado. A lab, where thanks to you and lackeys, had cut their budget. But hey we need those tax breaks so Joe Average get that $300 bucks for that $30,000 credit card bill, and the top 1% needs their ivory back scratchers. Two weeks before your field-trip, thanks to these cuts they came up $28 million short of their budget. Again maybe, just maybe if asked for some competitive bids on the reconstruction of Iraq (which is now being called Tammany Hall II Electric Bugaloo) they would have it. So they had to lay off employees who are working on alternative energy. Thanks to your quick thinking you got their jobs back. A nice gesture, but there is one problem. They are still 23 million short to do the work you claim you want them to do. This could be a good time for the oil companies to chip in and help them develop a Hummer that will consume twice as much gas. See Big Oil cares.

You have finally hit bottom when I will actually agree with Bill Frist. Wait, I am checking right now and there was a frost warning for parts of hell. What the hell are we doing allowing the out sourcing the management of six major American ports. This is not a xenophobic rant, but why are we allowing Dubai Ports World to take control of managing these ports. A company based in U.A.E., which has been a Greyhound Bus Terminal for terrorist activity. Sure the government is “ally”, but 98 percent of the people in U.A.E. could careless about this deal and more who cares about the US.

Has the U.S. done anything to really improve secruity at our ports. Have we increased the budget for the Coast Guard? Are we scanning and tracking all those containers? Also after watching the second season of “The Wire” there is too much shit that can go down at the ports. Maybe if we were doing a better job at our ports then I would think differently. I say this not only because of fear of weapons being smuggled, which does scare the bejebus out of me, but the traffic of drugs, money and people.

Finally Mr. Bush, I am not happy that a “Great British” (yes he said that) company is in charge of commercial operation on six Eastern seaports because of the concerns I listed above. These are important strategic and economic assets and they should be managed by American companies. But if they are being handled by your fiends er. . . I mean friends then lets handle them over.