Which Gilded Age President would be the best fit for a TV-Sitcom?
Rutherford B. Hayes
Chester A. (I have got bitchen mutton chops) Arthur
Grover Cleveland Version 2.0
My choice would have been both Grover Cleveland’s. But Mr. Boski what do you mean both Grover Cleveland’s? Well the history books list him as the only non-consecutive termed president. But in actuality, Jules Verne cloned him. Mr. Verne cloned Grover because of a two-week opium bender with Thomas Nast and P.T. Barnum. Nast and Barnum had been berating Verne that he was a hack and shooting a cannon at the moon was “dumber than Napoleon the III”. So he vowed to show them and show them he did. He created a fantastic cloning machine and cloned Mr. Cleveland as he was finishing up as the governor of New York and was embarking on his presidential campaign. The machine was only 98% ready, which lead to the copy that had an overactive shenanigan gland (that was according to leading phrenologists of the time). But sadly Verne’s had some serious DT’s coming down from the opium along with giant vultures dispatched by thHapsburggs destroyed the machine and any hope of fixing GC 2.0. Oh the mischief this caused. This was the basis of Verne’s book “The Will of an Eccentric”.
Another little know fact about this absolutely true nugget of American history was that Grover Cleveland 2.0, cost Grover Cleveland the 1888 election. This was achieved by 2.0’s offending enough Ohioans with his drunken two-fisted tirades through the state, and his constant replacing the B in Buckeye with an F when talking about the Buckeye State. Grover Cleveland the Orginal, finally was able to corral 2.0 and end his reign of terror. In an little know 1892 duel, 2.0 was wounded from a derringer shot from Grover the Original’s facial hair. Wounded and ashamed, 2.0 then fled to Portugal. Where he then raised a cat army that was poised to challenge the balance of power in Europe. Sadly, when 2.0 was ready to pounce upon Eurpoe, it all came to a tragic end. In 1908, he made the mistake of wearing a general’s uniform made entirely out of tuna. His army then ate him. The cat army was not heard from again until the 1928 Olympic Games when they tried to enter as the independent state of Hairballistan.
As you can see that this has all the makings of a hit show on the WB with Chad Michael Murray. Who is with me?