So are you ready to head off to Vegas with this gold I am giving you. Probably not, actually you are more likely to get ahead not listening to me anyway.
The California Angels – Not any of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim bullshit. Hell I just got use to the Anaheim Angels. You take away that crap and it is amazing what has happened with franchise since Disney got serious about selling and putting real baseball people in. Now they have an owner who will grab big name players while they are still able to get around without use of a walker. Even though I am a White Sox fan I grew up within a Bobby Grich home run from the stadium. I grew up in that park. Saw go from open stadium, to closed, back to open. I really enjoyed watching them exercise their demons in 2002, so I do have a soft spot for them. Well except for the team name issue, which again is crap. But they have the horses and will win this division, the post season we will see if not having an ace will bite them in the ass.
A’s – Moneyball rides again. They clean house again and will still probably win. Like the Marlins they need a new stadium or be the next contestant on “Whose Moving to Vegas”
Rangers – Can we just have them and the Rockies play each other. It would be they great slow pitch softball game ever! Their pitching will let them down about July when their Middle relievers are getting more innings than the starters.
Mariners – Offense meet the Mariners, Mariners meet offense. Great idea guys, but you should have gotten some sticks when you have the pitching and defense.
Twins – Oh look at us we are the Twins. We get no respect. We have no money. Waaaaaaaahhhhh! I do not care. Yes I am jealous and I do marvel at what they do and glad to see the White Sox trying to win the Twins way. But I am sick of the, “we do not get respect” when everyone does. The Twins do not get the respect because of two things. First is they are a small market team, sorry but true. Secondly, people are still pissed at Minnesota for Soul Asylum, Prince’s Under the Cherry Moon and for allowing Husker Dü to break up. I hope Kent Hrbek makes a return to the Dome only to be put down by Animal Control because he has eaten and mauled most of the team.
White Sox – We are not going to be as bad a people say and I think we have a shot at the division. Why? Well the Twins are so due for a letdown (You can hear the begging in my voice can’t you). The Sox could not win with the long ball, so why not pitching and defense. What we don’t win anyway. Look, I am use to it. But I really want this team to succeed for Ozzie’s sake and also they have my hero as the bench coach. They can’t let me down, again?
Indians – I still hate these guys. So freaking smug during the 90’s Well where did it get you. What’s that David Justice’s HR is about to land. Wow he hadn’t hit anything that hard since his he was married to Halle Berry (I know it is dated and a low blow, but I pay the rent here)
Tigers – This is the hip new team that everyone thinks will hit it big. I think they will be entertaining, but a year away. Also Maggilo’s knees. Since he not with the Sox it will mean he will hit 74 HR’s and cure cancer.
Royals – Holy Amos Otis, this franchise is horrible. Wow they are making the old Kansas City A’s look respectable. Wow it was just 20 years ago the Denkinger blew a call in game 6. It was a bad day for St. Louis and toilets. Mr Andujar, you know what I am sawing.
Yankees – I hate you pompous jackasses and I want you to fail. This goes double for Yankee fans, except those related to me and Artie Lange. Again this is out of pure jealousy. Lining up to buy another title.
Red Sox – Congrats on winning and breaking the “Curse” , but enough. Can you tone it down just a tad. Fine yell all you want when some one is wearing a Yankee hat near by, but the rest of us do not want to hear it. There are 28 other team other than you and the Yankees. Well maybe 20 if we take out the Royals, Brewers, Devil Rays, White Sox (Hey stop that), etc. First the Pats and now this, look Boston if the Celtics start winning again then I will check out. I am very sorry Chowd’s but you people are unbearable when you win. Right now I can only stand a Cousin, Bill Simmons and a couple of Bloggers out there. Okay I feel better I have to get this off my chest.
Blue Jays – Don’ t like the lids, but does it matter. Really pissed the Expos left. They have lost, well at least we are not the worst team in Canada. Right now their is a Canadian kid who thinking. Wow when do the Argonauts start training camp.
The O’s – Even though this team is a favorite of my good friend Eric. I have only one things to say. The suffering you feeling now is all because of Tito F&^%ing Landrum. I hope that ’83 World Series is keeping you warm at nights because you crushed the hopes and dreams of young White Sox fan. I think the curse will end when the homerun ball Eddie Murray hit in game 3 lands, so you have a while. So enjoy Sammy Sosa. What a horses ass. No Sammy you could not produce for us, you leave and get on the Juice and you can drive in runs. May the clams you eat always be bad. You see I have a problem letting things go.
Devil Rays – I think the D’Rays have a chance to get the Wild Card. A couple of breaks and about 1,293 injuries to all the AL teams and they about 8 games back. But if not , Tampa needs to seriously think about one thing. Insurance Fire. Think about it.
So here is what we have for the AL:
East – Yanks – Stupid jerks
Central -Twins – See above
West – Angels
Wild Card – White Sox!!! No they will come up short. I think that it will be close but the A’s will weasel their way in. The White Sox will come up short and the Red Sox starting pitching will be a headache.
Your AL Champs – The Kansas City Royals. No I hate to admit but the Yankees will buy their way in after a 7 game series with the Angels.
The World Series – We will have a rematch of one my favorite books “October 64” and the Cards will win again in 7 and the Yankees will be pissed. Hopefully they will fall into dispair as they did the last time the played the Cards in the World Series.
Well that wasn’t too bad. Oh wait you are reading it, but my speelling and graammar is not never bad.
Please file all complaints to management and you will get a free 12 piece Jackie Stewart coaster set.